One of the worst feelings in the world is spending days, weeks, months, and years of your life loving someone who doesn’t reciprocate the same feelings. Whether they simply used you for that period of time, or they just pretended to love you but didn’t. Maybe the person doesn’t really know what love is and instead of telling you that, they just told you what you wanted to hear to keep you around. The problem with being with someone who doesn’t love you and doesn’t know how to love means you will never receive all of them. No matter how much you want them, how much you love them, or how much you want to be with them, everything will be one-sided. That does NOT mean the person is bad, evil, unlovable, or anything of the sort. It simply means that YOU know how to love, and they don’t. It means that you need to decide if that’s a road you want to go down or steer away from. Loving someone who doesn’t know how to love isn’t for the weak. It will destroy you. But, if you can help that person learn how to love and stick it out with them, it can be worth it.
Being with someone who doesn’t know how to love or accept love, means that they will never truly express their feelings to you. Even if they felt something, the chances that they are going to openly tell you those feelings, are slim to none. The moments that they do express those feelings, or any feelings, they will probably never do much about it. They will always protect themselves and their heart first and foremost. Unfortunately, that means your heart and feelings won’t be considered or cared about – and there’s nothing you can do about it.
When you do something nice for them they may push you away or be mean to you. When you try to hold them and pull them closer, they may push you away. They may yell at you when you do something sweet for them because they don’t know how to accept your kindness and your love. While you give them your heart, the key to your being, they will close the doors around their heart, and shut you out. It’s always going to feel like you’re trying more, giving more, and frankly, the only one putting in the effort. You will feel like you’re the only person out of the two who’s trying – because you are.
Although giving is the root of love, giving too much without receiving can leave you feeling empty
After a while, you get used to not being loved the way you love your partner. Giving all of your heart, soul, emotions, efforts, attention, and affection and not receiving it in return. You get used to not being loved and you forget that YOU deserve love just as much as they do. You deserve the same kind of love that you’re giving them. This isn’t to say that they’re horrible people, because not all of them are.
They can make you feel like you’re the problem. You’re hard to love. You’re not loveable, or you’re too sensitive and emotional. Like no matter how much you give, how hard you try, they won’t go the extra mile for you the way you go an extra ten for them. Even though you’re only asking them to go one extra mile. You stay with them and make excuses, waiting for them, because you see their potential. Potential you saw when you first met, or potential they showed you at some point within the relationship. You see what’s deep inside, what you COULD have if you COULD knock all of their walls down and get them to let you in.
But they’re not going to let you in, because they won’t make room for you. They don’t want to allow you room inside of their heart because then, the walls come down. You can see past their lies, manipulation, fears, and into their deepest parts of them. Then, they have to share their secrets with you and let you into what hurts them. That’s not something that they have experience in or know how to do. They may have never been told or shown how to let others in or maybe they were told not to in order to remain happy. Maybe they had a childhood in which they had no one to open up to or the person they did betrayed them. They were taught at a young age to have power, to keep the upper hand, to never let their guard down, to use people to get what they can and never let themselves be vulnerable. Not to feel too much, not to give their heart away in order to keep it together. They were taught to break your heart instead of you possibly breaking theirs, even though you wouldn’t, and have probably proven for many years that you wouldn’t, even when they’re destroyed yours.
When you fall for a person who doesn’t know how to love you, you will start to not only forget what love is and how it feels but question yourself and if you’re worthy. You may begin to become stingy and selfish with your heart.
YOU ARE WORTHY. The actions of THEM do not define YOU. Their inability to love, to accept love, to recognize real and healthy love, is a reflection of them and not you. Falling for someone who doesn’t know how to properly love you or accept your love, you may forget that there’s someone out there who can love you properly. Someone who can show you and reinforce that everything you feel and believe about love is true, real, and validated. There is someone who won’t challenge your views and feelings on love, but instead, they want to love you back, and not hurt you. Not break you.